Biphobia in the LGBT Community

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 23, 2011

Bisexuality is to feel sexually, romantically, emotionally attracted to people of either sex. A bisexual person may or may not be more attracted to one gender, and the degree of attraction may vary and fluctuate over one’s life. What is often difficult to understand is that there is not a one size fits all model of bisexual identity or relationships. Self-perception is the key to a bisexual identity. Many people engage in sexual activity with people of both sexes, yet identify as gay, lesbian, straight or queer. The opposite may be true as well, Identifying as bisexual does not necessarily mean that a person is engaging in any sexual activity. Also, a bisexual person does not need to be sexually involved with both a man and a woman simultaneously. Some bisexual people may engage in sexual relationships simultaneously and some do not. Many bisexuals choose to be sexually active with one person and have monogamous life long relationships. The point is, there is no standard issue bisexual, each person and couple is different.

In order to help you identify what Biphobia looks like, we have compiled a short list of examples:

- Assuming that everyone you meet is either heterosexual or homosexual.
- Thinking bisexuality is a gateway for another identity as gay/straight in the future.
- Expecting a bisexual to identify as straight when coupled with the “opposite” gender and gay when coupled with the same gender.
- Believing bisexual people spread HIV/AIDS and other STDs to straight people.
- Thinking bisexual people haven’t yet to decide if they are gay or straight
- Assuming a bisexual person is sexually promiscuous.
- Assuming that a bisexual person is “greedy” and wants “the best of both worlds”
- Automatically assuming romantic couplings of two people of the same gender are gay, or a male and female couple is straight
- Assuming that bisexual couples engage in group sex.
- Using the terms “phase”, “its just a stage”, “confused”, “fence-sitter”, or “switchhitter”.
- Thinking bisexuals only have committed relationships with “opposite” gender partners.
- Believing bisexuals are confused about their sexuality.
- Not confronting a biphobic remark or joke
- Believing that people only identify as bisexual to get attention.

Resources

Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out by Loraine Hutchins and Lani Kaahumanu, Eds.

Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, & Visions by Naomi Tucker, Ed.

Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World by Robyn Ochs and Sarah Rowley. Eds.

http://www.biresource.org

This flyer is adapted from the Bisexual Resource Center web site at http://www.biresource.org/ Revised 08/2011

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Stages of Gay Identity Formation

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 23, 2011

To give you a bit more of an idea of how someone learns they are gay, I wanted to share with you a brief breakdown of the stages a gay person will go through in discovering themselves.

Identity Confusion: ”Could I be gay?” The person’s first realizes gay thoughts, feelings, and attractions. The person may feel confused and starts to ask “Who am I?”

If same-sex attraction occurred, the person may make excuses for the behavior (“I was drunk” “It was a mistake” ect)
Person may think that being gay is wrong and undesirable, correct but not okay for the individual or correct and okay for the individual.

Identity comparison: The person accepts the possibility that they may be gay and weighs the consequences of the information. This person will often engage in same gender romantic behaviors but will reject the label of gayness.

May experience isolation and alienation from others
Developing identity as a gay rather than straight
May still choose to “pass as straight”
May tell themselves “this is just an experiment”, “Its only this one person”, “one day I’ll marry someone of the opposite gender”

Identity Tolerance: The person begins to accept the probability that they are gay and starts to seek out LGBT social connections. 3

Experiences some relief because they are addressing emotional needs
Getting more support from others
Realizes being gay does not mean they cannot have a “normal” life
Greater self-esteem

Identity Acceptance: The person realizes they are gay and begins to accept their identity in a positive way. The person will have increased contact with the gay community. In this stage the person will become more comfortable with being scene in LGBT social settings.

Begins to view being gay as “normal”
Choosing to “pass as gay”
May choose to selectively disclose identity

Identity Pride: The person now wants to disclose their identity and “who they are” to the world. The person is immersed in the gay community and tends to divide their social interactions into “Gay” and “Not Gay”.

Preferring being gay
Anger and frustration with homophobic and heteronormative attitudes
Disclosing identity is more common

Identity Synthesis: the person incorporates their sexual identity with all other aspects of self. Their sexual identity becomes one factor of the “Who am I?” question rather then the entire identity. The person begins to integrates more relationships with straight people into their lives and recognizes other identities.

Stops viewing the world as “Us v. Them”
Become at peace with oneself

If you learn nothing else from this post, learn this one thing…COMING OUT, the idea of sharing one’s status as LGBTQ with family, friends, co-workers and the world, is a life long process that never ends. The process of “Coming out of the Closet” is one of the most significant processes in the lives of LGBTQ people because many LGBTQ people believe this to be the period in time in which they were discovering their true selves. Coming Out is a period of recognition, acceptance, expression and discovery, for ones self, and the people in their world. Due to this importance, some LGBT people view their coming out experience as a very personal and deeply meaningful experience in their life journey.

PS: For the advanced Queer Studies Student you may really like this Article

Adapted from:

Cass, V. (1979). Homosexual identity formation: A theoretical model. Journal of Homosexuality, 4 (3), 219-235.
Kaufman, Joanne and Johnson, Cathryn (2004) Stigmatized Individuals and the Process of Identity, The Sociological Quarterly, 45 (4), 807-33

Resources: Cass’ Model

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Myths and Stereotypes

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 19, 2011

One of the big reasons that there is so much fear around coming out is the lack of accurate education about the LGBT community. Here are some typical myths and the facts behind them.

All gay men are effeminate and all gay women are masculine. In the LGBT community there is a wide range of personal style, personality, gender expression and interest for LGBT people along the gender spectrum. While some characteristics may be more noticeable, there are many that go unnoticed who do not fit the stereotype.
Gay people are pedophiles. FBI statistics show that the majority of child molesters are middle aged, white, heterosexual men who know their victims. In 1994, Carole Jenny of the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center, found that in 82 percent of cases, the allegedoffender of sexual molestation was a straight partner of a close relative of thechild. In only two out of 269 cases, the offender was identified asbeing gay or lesbian. (http://bit.ly/nRq4MB )
Being Gay is a mental illness. The idea that being gay is a mental illness or that same-sex attraction is in any way abnormal has been refuted by every mainstream health and mental health organization. Just the Facts
Gay people can be cured if they go to therapy. The practice of “reparative therapy” is the practice of counseling a LGBT person to eliminate same sex attraction. “Reparative therapy” has been shown to not only be ineffective but to cause harm for the participant by every major mental health institution including the American Psychological Association and the National Association of Social Workers. Just the Facts
All gay people get AIDS Anyone can get HIV/AIDS. AIDS does not discriminate. All of us are at risk in getting HIV from unsafe sex and blood to blood contact, like sharing needles. Everyday, approximately 16,000 people are infected with HIV (World Health Organization). They are not all gay. HIV transmission
Gay people cannot form stable romantic relationships. There are many LGBT people in long-term relationships. LGBT people can form long term committed relationships and just like any other couple, sometimes these relationships end. The primary difference is that LGBT relationships are not recognized in most places, they have less support from society. Despite the estimate provided by the US federal government, stating that they could save more than $1 billion a year by allowing same-sex couples to marry (2004 Congressional Budget Office), LGBT people still are not legally recognized and supported in most states.

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9 actions that increase risk for suicide in LGBT youth

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 19, 2011

Physically hurting a child because they are LGBTQ
Verbal/emotional harassment because they are LGBTQ
Excluding LGBT youth from family events
Blocking access to LGBT friends, events, and resources
Blaming your child when they are discriminated against because of LGBT identity
Pressuring your child to be more (or less) masculine or feminine
Telling a child that God will punish them because they’re LGBT
Telling a child that you’re ashamed of them or that the way they act will shame the family
Making a child keep their LGBT identity a secret in the family and not letting them talk about it

Caitlin Ryan, Family Acceptance Project, 2009

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Family Behaviors that Reduce Risk for Suicide

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 19, 2011

Talk with your child about their LGBT identity or questioning that identity
Express affection when you learn that your child is LGBT
Support your child’s LGBT identity even though you may be uncomfortable
Advocate for your child when he or she is mistreated because they identify as LGBT
Require that other family members respect your LGBT child
Bring your child to LGBT organizations or events
Connect your child with an LGBT role model to show them options for the future
Welcome your child’s LGBT partners and friends into your home
Support your child’s gender expression
Believe your child can have a happy future as an LGBT adult

Caitlin Ryan, Family Acceptance Project, 2009

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Quick Tips for Working with LGBT Youth

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 18, 2011

-It is NOT our place to tell a young person when, whether, where, or how to come out. You are likely only getting a very small piece of their story. Only the young person themselves can determine if it is the right time to talk about their identity. Telling a young person they “should” come out can be dangerous emotionally and physically. They need to know what they’re sharing with you is confidential. In some states by law, youth service professionals are not allowed to disclose the sexual orientation or gender identity of their students to parents should they know it. It is best practice to follow the same law regardless of your location. Don’t put up another barrier to care for a population that is already at such high risk.

-Remember the heightened need for confidentiality. Outing a young person, intentionally or unintentionally can result in a host of issues including familial rejection, victimization, and homelessness.

-Sensitive topics need to be addressed carefully and unapologetically in easy-to-understand language. Using heavy jargon and advanced language may confuse the young person you are working with. Watch your body language, tone and infliction in your voice. If you are uncomfortable they will know.

-Use more inclusive questions and language: “Are you dating someone?” is more inclusive but achieves the same end without assuming the person’s orientation. A powerful message of acceptance is displayed when a straight ally referrers to their significant other as a “partner”. It invites young people to question the use of the word and can open up an opportunity for dialogue on inclusivity and your position as a straight ally. Move away from heteronormative expectations. I like to think of heternormativity as the idea that we are all “straight until proven gay”. By not assuming that everyone is straight we are sending a very empowering message to young people; people with LGBTQ identities are valuable part of society.

-Make your common areas visibly inclusive of LGBTQ persons: Display resources from LGBT organizations, Safe Space decals, welcoming and affirming posters to let young people know you are an ally. Keep in mind, displaying these symbols and images can become an open invitation to have a conversation with you about these issues. If you are not ready to have an educated conversations about issues of importance to LGBTQ youth it may be best to wait until you are comfortable.

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Reteaching Gender and Sexuality

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 17, 2011

In the fall of 2010, syndicated columnist Dan Savage created a YouTube video to bring hope to young people thinking about suicide with a link to The Trevor Project, the nation’s leading organization in crisis intervention and suicide prevention. In response to an increased publicity around LGBT youth suicide. Dan wanted to create a personal message for young people to see that millions of people were victimized but, it can indeed get better.

Two months later, the It Gets Better Project has turned into a worldwide movement, inspiring over 10,000 user-created videos viewed over 35 million times. To date, the project has received submissions from celebrities, organizations, activists, politicians and media personalities, including President Barack Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Adam Lambert, Anne Hathaway, Colin Farrell, Matthew Morrison of “Glee”, Joe Jonas, Joel Madden, Ke$ha, Sarah Silverman, Tim Gunn, Ellen DeGeneres, Suze Orman, the staffs of The Gap, Google, Facebook, Pixar, the Broadway community, and many more.

Despite all the media publicity and big name celebrities and companies coming out to support the project, this is by far the best “It Gets Better” video that I have seen…

Reteaching Gender and Sexuality

Check out Put This On the Map

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Building Coping Mechanisms in Queer Youth.

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 17, 2011

Very few things will help a young person more then teaching them positive coping mechanisms. The thing about the Millennial Generation is that many of the life lessons previous generations learned are lost in new technology.Think about something simple, like finding a book in a library.

In 1980 how did you find a book?

You used a card catalogue, sounds simple right? No, not so much. You used a catalogue, but you had to know the title, the author or the subject. You had to find the right drawer in a room full of little drawers, made sure you spelled the words right, find the appropriate card in alphabetical order, correlate the numbers on the card to a map of the library, find the bookcase, run your finger crossed two dozen titles and pray that it wasn’t miss shelved or checked out. Today, young people only need to know a fragment of a sentence that appears in the book, slap some quotation marks around it and it appears on a Google search in an instant. The point of this article however is not to rant on and on about “kids these days” but to illustrate the essential skills that need to be taught more directly. A simple task, like finding a book is now so easy that young people are losing the analytical problem solving skills that were once learned in the trials of every day life.

It has come to the point where many young people may have never even cracked a book in the library, and why would they with the wealth of scholarly journals, Ebooks and academic websites available to them on the web. In fact, I recently read a study on the reliability of Wikipedia versus a traditional encyclopedia, the study concluded that each format yielded the same number of errors in their sample, four. These technologies are not going anywhere, but often times the skills that the “Old School” version offers us, are valuable life lessons.

So how does this relate to queer youth?

As service providers it is essential for us to adapt with the changes in learning format and to find new ways to teach important life skills and coping mechanisms, such as positive reframing, strengthening social supports, and identification of positive LGBT role models. If we as service providers can teach these skills in new formats the young people of this generation will be better prepared for the future. Especially young people who may not have the strengths and supports at home.

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4 ways to become an ally for LGBTQ Youth

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 17, 2011

According to the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network’s School Climate Survey having ONE welcoming and affirming adult in a school will decrease the likelihood for suicide by 1/3. You have the opportunity to be that one person who saves a life. These are some quick pointers on how to build resiliency in sexual minority youth.

Family, Community and School Support – Queer youth that are able to reach out to their family, community and/or school for support and acceptance feel less isolation and alienation. As I’m sure you know social isolation is a risk for suicide. By supporting and participating in anti-bullying programs in school you can decrease victimization and spread education and awareness about the topic of homophobia and heterosexism. Having school and peer support helps to increase confidence in LGBT young people and creates a school environment, which is inclusive rather than exclusive.

Positive Media Representations – Positive portrayals of LGBT people in the media help to reduce feelings of social isolation and invisibility. Before you jump to recommending the latest Logo production make sure that the programming you are recommending is age appropriate and displays positive representations of LGBT people and culture. We have more options then ever before, but some of those options perpetuate stereotypes that can be confusing for a young person trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in our vast community.

Gay or Gay-Friendly Social and Support Networks – Participation in a Gay Straight Alliance, GLSEN, PFLAG, The Trevor Project’s Youth Advisory Counsel and/or similar group can connect students with other LGBT or supportive people. These networks will in turn serve to reduce social isolation and bolster self-esteem and resiliency tools in young people.

Artistic, Athletic or Academic Talent – Celebrate abilities! Maybe your student is an amazing artist/athlete/musician/public speaker/essay writer ect. Pride in a specific talent helps to foster positive self-esteem in individuals. Positive self-esteem allows young people to see themselves as a whole person and not just an identity. Sometimes young people who come out early get pigeonholed into the “token gay kid” label. Let them know that you see them as a whole person with many fabulous parts.

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6 LGBTQ Youth Specific Risk Factors for Suicide

by Meg Ten Eyck on August 17, 2011

Gender Non-conformity – Not following society’s traditional gender roles can create a risk for young people. For example: the young woman involved in rugby instead of dance and a young boy that is in drama club instead of playing football.

Coming Out Issues – Will I lose my current friends? Will my family kick me out? Am I doomed to get AIDS because I’m gay? I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. How do I even know if I’m really gay? There is an increased risk for suicide attempts during and immediately after the Coming Out process. Keep in mind that these young people may not be thinking rationally. They may be thinking in worst-case scenarios. The risk is more about the perception of loss. Many young people will experience some loss during their identity formation, be it friends, family or social connections, but for most they will not lose everything. As a service provider it is our responsibility to help the young person iron out and identify what is “real risk” versus “perceived risk”.

Rejection when Coming Out – Loss of one’s support system due to rejection by friends, family, community, etc. Young people who are LGB identified that come from rejecting environments are 8 times as likely to attempt suicide. By maintaining positive relationships with this young person and allowing them space to process this rejection while educating them on myths of LGB identity, you can become a protective factor,

Coming Out at a Young Age – twenty years ago the average age of Coming Out was between 18-20 years old, today the average age is more likely between 14-26 years old. Keep in mind that this rejection does not stem from the young people themselves, but because there is an increased likelihood that schools, communities and families do not have the support systems in place for younger youth. There is also an increased likelihood of rejection by friends and family because of a lack of understanding on sexual identity formation. Not to mention that the young person is generally less mature and does not have the coping mechanisms and resiliency skills in place to handle rejection and abuse.

Gay Related Victimization – Unfortunately, in some places young people may become targets for victimization including rejection and isolation, verbal harassment, physical/sexual assault, and property damage.

Developmental Stressors – Being a teenager is hard for anyone, but imagine throwing in all the usual stuff with a complete lack of role models, lack of access to community support structures and emotional support systems commonly found in heterosexual community. LGBT young people cannot openly date same-sex romantic partner and participate in regular behaviors such as taking their significant other to the school dance or show affection by walking down the hall or street holding hands. Also, the majority of LGBT young people have a lack of support from family for same-sex romantic partner. Often times resulting in a lack of conversations about safer sexual practices, relationship skills and other coming of age details.

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